ronenv-posts:

2.5 years ago I set out to restore my childlike wonder of the world. Where did it get jaded, go away? When does that inherent wonder and kindess leave most ‘adults’? What does one to do hold onto it, that shard of soul?

To hear it described independantly by others, that they associate that kind of innocence with me, is exciting, especially in a world trying so so hard to jade all of us.

and shows me how making myself publicly accountable has proven effective.

People who haven’t spent time with me are sometimes under the impression that what I do here is document my life. Those who are a part of my life know the truth- my life goes undocumented.

In particular, I never talk about other people except to express wonder at how amazing they are and the god-like qualities they (may not realize they) have, but I can see in them, and that role in the world I perceive.

I may say, ‘so-and-so is an amazingly talented designer and wise soul,’ and some people will say ‘man, why is he showing off?’. But in fact I am creating an image of my friends: ‘this is how I see you. You amaze me. You inspire me. Though sometimes you may feel mundane, when I look at you I see the spark of god, and I want to show you the superhero I see you as’.

Anyone who knows my life knows two things: I am very reluctant, cautious, and strict about not discussing or talking about people I may know who are perceived to have ‘value’. I am creeped out by the very idea of what I see happen with this ‘proximity value,’ and when people ‘namedrop’ it is enough to turn me off to them, immediately, pretty much forever.

The social convention on Facebook and Twitter is often to say where you are, and who you’re with. I generally do not do this for the above-stated reasons.

As I increasingly am fortunate to work on various projects and spend time with people who, in their various circles, are accomplished, the de-facto result has been that no one really knows what projects I’m working on, because I am so strict to be careful about this, that I tend not to discuss it when when the topic arises.

The second thing is that I play with the line of expressing excitement about things I never see othesr show as being possible to express excitement about. When the world has been good enough to bring you something you never would have expected, certain jaded people ‘act cool’, because they don’t want to be seen as bragging.

I have 65cents in my pocket right now. It’s hard to brag. But when the world amazes me, I have a promise to it, to say “holy shit, world! You amaze me! I can’t beleive this is possible!” and to scream that from the tops of mountains if possible.

When I get letters and emails from people who read this blog or my twitter saying how it inspires them to see what’s possible, or even how it’s helped them change their own lives from being in a bad situation, I am honored, touched, get the feeling like I’m on the right track. It begins to feel almost like a responsibility.

In setting out to lead a good life of a good man, very often one can feel mapless- “those who say don’t know, those who know don’t say”.

Whatever little I know, I will forcefully leave breadcrumbs because I ain’t headed there alone. Not by a longshot.

And if part of what ‘Ronen’ means to people is expressing innocent wonder at the world around you, both in ways we take for granted, and ways we take for granted we never will experience, and to scream ‘whoah! Look at this!’ to say ‘holy cow! Wow!’ to be resistant to a jaded world that insists we hide that wonder when we experience it, hide that joy when we’re blessed to encounter it- there is a side effect: It can be seen as ‘bragging’. (and perhaps managing that is a separate issue).

People who brag behave differently. If I would be bragging, there would be other things I’d be saying.

I made a promise to express wonder when I feel it. To put on now naive yokel face and say ‘whoah’ when I feel it inside. To never supress a smile, or excitement, or wonder, or joy, or love, even if sometimes ‘playing it cool’ is more effective.

I see this happen to people in relationships who are on social networks. They post about how much they love their partner, or their children. And inevitably, snarky comments get written by people who (like myself) have yet to find that someone to truly share their lives with, who have yet to have their own family. And slowly, these people in relationships stop posting ‘omg I love my husband soooooo much’ or ‘[kid’s name] makes the most adorable face when I put her to bed’ because they experience negative feedback to ‘showing off’. So they stop.

And it’s sad.

There was a time when I was studying with Talmudic legal scholars in Jersualem to become a Rabbi. It was an amazing experience and I was honored to spend time with the incredible people I was studying with. I was being trained for rabbinic and talmudic law, to which I seemed to take naturally, but the direction I wanted to go in was being a rabbi who greeted people with a smile, who inspired people, who helped show them what is possible. We all have had those people in our lives. I was going to become a rabbi and change the world.

I’m obviousely not going to become a rabbi anymore. But I still want to change the world. Is it arrogant for men to think we can do that?

Ronen - Hebrew, root r’a’n’n- a joy so exhuberant, it becomes song